i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
