ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
