Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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