Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Randomize
