I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
