your room smells of hookers.
And success
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Randomize
