All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
