if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
