I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
