i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
