he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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