Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize
