Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
i love accidental penises.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
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