I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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