i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
