I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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