what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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