Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
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