Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
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