hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
