So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Randomize
