Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Randomize
