He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
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