gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
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