idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
don't judge my taste in strippers
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
