Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
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