I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Randomize
