Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
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