ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
