She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
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