Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
