Where did you get a picture of my penis
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Randomize
