Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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