how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
