i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
