I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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