He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
