Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
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