how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
