Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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