We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
