real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
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