my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
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