Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
