My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Randomize
