I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
