Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
