Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
