girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
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