So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
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