loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize
