i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Randomize
