after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
The Olympian is in my bed
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Randomize
